So it seems, you need an Individual CDP Securities Account for this
Oh, you know what? Just throw me into the administrative abyss

Oh but, financial security
Time in exchange for money
Financial planning
Make hay while the sun is shining
(Although I should have done this two years ago.)
(28 is a decent age to let it flow.)

it’s all digital anyway

you wouldn’t be impressed,
hell no, maybe even depressed,
but a little autonomy
and some good mindless fun,
never did any harm to anyone
although, sure to say,
it’s all fun and games as long as everyone’s gay

after all,
this could be a test.
your choices mean nothing unless they are your best.
the boundaries I set,
to safeguard against all regret
(although I’ve never regretted anything to this day)
and after all it’s all digital anyway.

words are just words,
26 alphabets strung together to give meaning.
I am learning.
the past does not bind me.
neither does the future.
what keeps me tethered is the present moment,
right now, right here.

The secret to life is failing, then picking yourself up and trying again.

I am not particularly good at dealing with failures. All my life, I have been accustomed to not failing, especially in terms of academics. Sure, I have had my share of failures, but they were rather arbitrary and also rather minute in scale – not being able to become secretary of my CCA back in JC, not getting into the ExCo in library club back in Nan Hua… But things changed when I stepped into university.

I must learn to not dwell on my failures. I must learn to reflect on them adequately, then move on with full strength. I must not falter at the big things because of fear. There are things that must be accomplished, and I will accomplish them with grace in my heart. I must be kind and sincere to people; I must put in good effort in the things that I do and not handle them slipshodly.

Sure, there is that overwhelming feeling of inadequateness. But only losers feel sorry for themselves. Failure feels like a punch in the gut, but true failure is getting punched in the gut, and not having the drive, determination and motivation to stop lying there after getting punched (and worse still, allowing yourself to get punched even more). You gotta adjust yourself and fucking pick yourself up and fucking continue on your path again, no matter how shitty/scared/afraid/frightened you feel. And that’s what you gotta fucking do.

December 2015

List of experiences

  • Visited National Gallery
  • Ate at Itacho Sushi (decent)
  • Visited National Library
  • Took 963R to Sentosa
  • Visited Madame Tussauds
  • Visited Trick Eye Museum
  • Visited Gardens by the Bay (Cloud Forest and Flower Dome) and saw the Christmas Decorations as well
  • Tried MacD’s truffle fries (eh)
  • Took care of 2 terrapins for a week
  • Ate at C2K Rasa Istimewa Restaurant (good)
  • Ate at Monster Curry (meh)
  • Went to the army camp at Sembawang
  • Dabbled a little with Lightroom (photos, typography)
  • Watched The Island (2005), Ex Machina (2015), Our Times (2015), IP Man 3 (2015)
  • Read some Haruki Murakami’s works (Norwegian Wood, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle), and Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury, and some Scientific American
  • Release of Y2S1 results (cGPA +0.13)
  • Birthday surprise (Oreo cheesecake, 2 pyjama pants & card)
  • Proggie meeting
  • Got my new iphone 6S
  • Went out with SX and had a ton of impulse buys
  • Christmas celebrations with uni clique at Gardens
  • Outing with JC clique
  • Hosting at house during New Year’s Eve with uni friends
  • Learnt brief basic Mahjong
  • Had sweet potato kitkat for the first time

Edited 3 Jan 2016

Certain Decisions

You make decisions, and then sometimes those decisions make you.

I decided on them when I was young and naive, before I started to truly understand myself and my own needs. I guess that’s the result of being too indoctrinated in the system. Before you know it, you’ve already shut your inner voice out, your true self hidden deep beneath the mound of expectations and competition and fighting to stay at the top. You only find that you can scarcely identify yourself and that you have not been truly authentic with yourself when it’s almost too late.

There’s this thing called being educated, and there’s this thing called true intelligence. Some of the most intelligent people I know have not done exceptionally well in the system. But one thing that they all have in common is that they have done decently well in the system, albeit not outstanding. The real hallmark of intelligence comes in casual chatter, delegated commitments and how University works. It is when these people with real intelligence truly shine, and when the educated robots fall behind. I am an educated robot.

I did not realise the true severity of everything and how I was really nothing much at all, holding onto an empty name, until I was released from the system I was neck-deep in, wide open and hungry, only to find myself undelivered and lost.

I think I would count myself lucky to be able to reap at least some form of solid remuneration to start off on a better foot than my peers. At least I would not be debt-ridden. At least I would have a bit more cash on hand. And for that, I am appreciative and glad, and also slightly bashful.

Sometimes you make decisions, and sometimes these decisions make you.

I guess that’s how it’s gonna be. I’m going to have to deal with these repercussions in the best way that I can – with positivity, time management and diligence. And after all, somehow or rather, things will all turn out okay in the end. I just have to keep on improving and discovering myself. And that’s how it shall be.